I used to love fog as a child. I found it mysterious, creepy and fun to play in. Fog has a mind of its own, it comes and goes as it pleases, always leaving the grass with a misty due. I used to think fog was beautiful, unique and peaceful, but I sure don’t anymore. I suppose it’s not the literal fog I blame, but the fog constantly clouding my mind.
I can recall my 5th grade year of elementary school when I first began complaining to my mother about this weird feeling within my head. I tried explaining this feeling to my momma and old family doctor which I began seeing often. I vividly remember the last day I went to my old doctor.
Health issues grew worse for both my mother and I. We both seemed to be stuck in a never ending daze. I felt like I was stuck in a nightmare, never able to pinch myself awake: I felt like a ghost. I had lost my coloring and went from tan to pale and yellow.
I started to have many digestion issues and would complain about my consistent tummy aches. It felt good to release all of what I was feeling to my doctor. I was excited time after time to get tests and blood work done. I was especially excited for results in hope that I would get answers.
It was on the last day I went to visit my old doctor that my outlook on the medical industry changed forever. I had lost count of the times I saw my old doctor, and I was beginning to sense that the answers I needed weren’t going to be given by her. I continued to wait in her office until finally she came in. All negative test results again, and everything appeared to be normal.
She told my mom the news and proceeded to bend down in my face as she said words crushing to my gut: “You’re just depressed, it’s all in your head.” And For months and years after this visit, it seemed to be the one and only phrase Iwould get from doctor after doctor. Why couldn’t they see how sickly and pale I was? All I wanted was a simple answer or diagnosis. All I wanted was to feel alive again.
My mother and I tried diet after diet and it wasn’t until just recently that my mother and I got diagnosed with the life sucking Lyme disease. The results were given to us by our new naturopathic doctor. And For what seemed to be the first time, I felt cared for.
Although I was relieved, the day I got those test results back I was surprised to also feel more scared than before. Now that I had the answers, what was I going to do? It’s been a long journey for us already, and now that we had the answers, the next step was treatment.
Since then I have been on a few different modes of treatment, along with my mother. More than anything I want to have a chance at succeeding in college. I want my mom and I to get our lives back. Of course, good things only last for so long, and a new problem has risen. Money is too tight, and we can no longer afford for both my mother and I to see our Doctor.
On top of that, other crucial changes will have to be made just so we can afford house payments. I was so afraid because my mother was going to stop treatment, while I would stay on mine. I have watched the life being drawn out from my mother for so many years and to know that I would have to it again was going to be impossible.
This is where LymeLight Foundation changed everything. Because of this grant, my mom has been able to afford treatment for both of us. It is not possible to explain what this means to me. I want to thank LymeLight not only for the grant money, but for the hope which ironically was beginning to leave me too. Now we have the chance of leaving the life of fog behind. Now we have the chance of living the life we want to live. I can’t wait help others with Lyme in the future, and to finally feel alive again.